Online Asshole Management

“The No Asshole Rule” focuses on how traditional organizations can –- and do –- enforce norms that stop people from acting like demeaning jerks. But, especially since I starting blogging, people keep telling me about how similar rules are expressed and enforced in online communities.

A few months back, my teenage son showed me an intriguing chatlog from (I hope I am getting this language right) a chat channel that he is part of where people talk about massively multiplayer online games (MMOGs). The log starts with an incident where a person is banned for soliciting people to sell him drugs. Then a conversation among about 10 people starts about some of the worst “asshats” and “assholes” they’ve ever encountered and how quickly they had been kicked-off, including “the one who started the argument about using gay as an insult.” The group then decides to establish “a three strikes rule,” where “We're going to start using temporary silencing as warning shots for people causing an abundance of trouble,” and after three incidents, ban them permanently.

I started asking my friends who play online games if they have such a rule, and I learned that, for example, that in World of Warcraft, some “guilds” write down and enforce quite detailed rules, which often include guidelines for expelling people who act like jerks. A gamer who read this blog also sent me to several links on Penny Arcade (a site for gamers) that talk about “The Golden Rule of Internet: Don’t be a Dick,” which list things that can get you banned from MMOGs and chat groups. I don’t understand all these guidelines, as many have to do with game play, but I do understand why they ban pornographic images, racism, and my favorite item because it is so subtle and so compelling:

Trolling 
This has a working definition of "attempting to be as annoying as possible while still technically obeying the rules," and it's not the way to go about getting attention. There tends to be a thin line between being annoying and being funny. Those who cross it--whether through a lack of familiarity with the forums or as sad, twisted, bid for attention--will be banned.

Another person wrote me about how people in the Wikipedia community, specifically on Wikimedia, also talk about and apply the “Don’t be a dick” rule. Apparently, the guideline is:

Don't be a dick. If people abided by this, we wouldn't need any other policies. This is a corollary of ignore all rules, and most other rules are a special case of this one.

And I like the added advice:

If you've been labeled as a dick, or if you suspect that you may be one, the first step is to realize it. Ask what is causing this perception. Change your behavior and your mode of presentation. If needed, apologize to anyone to whom you may have been a dick. It's okay! People will take notice of your willingness to cooperate and will almost always meet your efforts with increased respect.

This last bit of advice mirrors my observations from the off-line world: That the first step to recovering from being an asshole is to realize that you are one. And when people realize that you are taking authentic steps to reform, they often show remarkable understanding. In fact, some you may have seen those buttons and refrigerator magnets that say "Admitting you are an asshole is the first step."

As an organizational researcher, I am fascinated by how explicitly these norms are stated and how – although there are arguments and ambiguities – about what it means to be a online jerk, there is a remarkable amount of consensus as well.  

PS: I am just starting to learn about how online groups engage in “asshole management” and enforce other important norms, so of any of you could point me to other places where I might learn more, I would appreciate it.

Comments

[Laura]

I put assholes in two categories:
1) Assholes who know they are assholes; and 2) Assholes who don't know they are assholes. I believe the ones in category 2 are more dangerous and lethal because they catch you off guard.

One additional note: I once worked for an asshole who turned out to be bi-polar. With medication, it's possible she may not be an asshole at all. Turns out I had to take medication in order to be able to deal with her. Go figure!

[kareem]

Bob, you might dig this article by Clay Shirky, a prof at NYU and an expert in online communities.

"A Group is its Own Worst Enemy":
http://www.shirky.com/writings/group_enemy.html

[Siona]

Oh, I fully realize that there are sometimes incorrigable sabotuers. While I prefer trying to humanize the connection between the aggressor and the people or person whom she or he is hurting, (oftentimes reformed jerks - like those who quit cigarettes - can become major defenders of those in less powerful positions and converts to the no-jerk movment) it's sometimes either impossible or inefficient to do so; too, it's oftentimes important not to come across as sanctioning or being overly forgiving of bad behavior.

I think, though, that the more than can be done to work with, say, such sexist pigs as the lawyer in your story, the better. Kicking him out of the company will just mean that he'll take his abusive behavior elsewhere, or will just give him cause to be all the more resentful and cruel towards women. I'd love to see more cases in which options were given ("Either enter into some sort of program for your abusive misogyny, or get out" ) . . . but then, I do err toward an aburd idealism. ;)

[Bob Sutton]

Siona,

Thanks so much for your fantastic advice and writing, it is wise and also touching. I agree completely that -- online or offline -- the first steps should always be in private and with understanding. And I love your point that, when people act like this, it is a sign they care and have energy. Plus a related point, which you imply, is that one of the most reliable ways to turn someone into an asshole is to call them one (and quite possibly to turn yourself into one).

Nonetheless, when such subtle tactics fail, a time comes when harsher tactics are called for -- as I believe should have been done with the sexist pig lawyer identified in my next post.

[Siona]

I work as a writer / editor for the magazine pages of a major online community, and part of my unofficial job description involves keeping up with member posts on the forums. While I have the capacity to ban trolls, I find it much more personally satisfying to help convert them into active and healthy participants.

What I'll usually do when I find encounter someone behaving like an "asshat" is to contact them privately; I'll present myself as someone sympathetic to and / or curious about their presence on the site. As trolling is most essentially an attention-seeking device, the offending member is usually pleased about being noticed and it doesn't take long to start up a dialogue. A few heartfelt questions about what it is that drew them to the site (asking "why" usually leads to defensiveness, but "what" and "how" questions tend to encourage conversation) generally brings out a story.

What I've found is that the vast majority of forum abusers really do have something to offer -- after all, they must care in some way about the topic involved or they wouldn't invest so much energy in derailing it! -- and that it doesn't take much to ease them into a postive contribution. When this happens, there's then the problem of getting the rest of the group to get over their own bruised feelings, but at this point it's not hard for me to step up publically and make a plea for a second chance.

While it's near-impossible to do this from a place of manipulation or control, coming from an attitude of genuine care can do wonders in facilitating healthy online communities. I know I haven't answered your question about rules or "enforcing" norms -- or said much about traditional forms of "management" -- but I did want to offer another approach to the problem of "demeaning jerks."

And thanks for a great blog!

[ann michael]

"If you've been labeled as a dick, or if you suspect that you may be one..."

While this is the beginning of my most favorite paragraph in this post, without being specifically labeled, I fear most dicks don't suspect they might be one all on their own!

Even when labeled they might actually tend to believe they are victims of an unfair practice and their actions are really not the issue at all!

[Bob Sutton]

Jason,

This is wonderful. Perhaps we should send the shirt to the folks at Holland & Knight -- see my next post!

[Jason Yip]

The Penny Arcade Alliance (i.e., World of Warcraft guilds with a Penny Arcade theme) rules:
http://forums.pa-guilds.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=13&highlight=rules

And of course, the Penny Arcade t-shirt:

"Jesus Says: Don't be a dick"
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/pennyarcade/84c5/

Perhaps you can create your own t-shirt:

"Bob Sutton says: Don't be an asshole."