Airline Asshole Management: An Urban Myth?

I have finally -- after a lot of distractions -- turned back to developing the Flying ARSE (see this post), which helps you answer the question: "Do you make air travel miserable for the rest us."  And, like the original ARSE Test (Asshole Rating-Self Exam), it will be 24 yes-no items, and you can fill it out with yourself in mind, or perhaps with someone (e.g., I think of a guy on my recent flight who constantly pushed the button for the flight attendant because they weren't serving him fast enough and who raced ahead to be first off the plane even though the flight attendants asked us to stay in our seats for two children who were traveling alone and trying to make a tight connection).

The folks from Electric Pulp should have the test up and running a couple weeks.  In the meantime, I thought you might enjoy this story about how an airline employee engaged in "asshole management." This story comes second hand, from an Australian reader.  Frankly, it sounds like an urban myth to me, but is funny enough that -- although it is best treated as fiction for now -- it is worth repeating.  It all seems possible, although perhaps a bit too funny to be quite true:

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some weeks ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was canceled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".  

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to fly QANTAS for that service."

P.S.  An update on the original ARSE.  The folks at Electric Pulp report that over 83,000 people have completed the ARSE since we put online in February.  The mean score is 5.34.  I suggest that a score under 5 means that a person is not an asshole, 5 to 15 indicates a borderline asshole, and over 15 indicates a certified asshole (24 is a “perfect” score, a person who is a complete jerk on every dimension). Aaron Mentele just gave me a breakdown among all test-takers, based on 83,644 completions:

6,142 Certified Assholes (15+)

29,270 Borderline Assholes (5-15)

48,232 Not Assholes (0-4)

Comments

[Camelie]

Being a flight attendant trainer myself i can understand the irate passengers mood and the plight of airline staff, that was a great read

[Deirdré Straughan]

Re. the test, it would be useful to know who took the test for him/herself and who on "behalf of" someone else. (I've done both.)