The Civility Movement in Maryland

The Saturday Wall Street Journal has an intriguing article called "Be Nice, Or What?"
It is all about a civility movement that John Hopkins professor P.M. Forni has sparked in Howard County Maryland.  He has written a book called "Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rule of Considerate Conduct." Here are some of the rules, according to Amazon:

* Think Twice Before Asking Favors
* Give Constructive Criticism
* Refrain from Idle Complaints
* Respect Others' Opinions
* Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame
* Care for Your Guests
* Accept and Give Praise

I just ordered a copy, and am reading about the movement, as I am going to be one of the guests talking about this movement on a Washington D.C. NPR station this Monday.  It will be from noon to 1PM Eastern time on The Kojo Nnamdi Show WAMU, 88.5 FM. 

All this sounds pretty reasonable to me, and in many ways,it is an "accentuate the positive approach" in comparison to the "eliminate the negative" approach in The No Asshole Rule. I do worry a bit, however, about the side effects of forcing people to be nice, and have tried to take pains in The No Asshole Rule to emphasize that it is not argument against toughness, competitive behavior, moving quickly, and constructive conflict.  And I also worry slightly -- as I do about the no asshole rule too --  that if we are too zealous about becoming civility Nazi's that it will stifle creativity and individuality, and we will end-up with a society of overly polite clones who are prone to passive-aggressive behavior.

Despite such fretting, however, I was wishing that there was a civility movement in Palo Alto yesterday.  I stopped to pull in a parking space just before a driver -- a wife with her husband -- parked almost exactly as you see in the picture to the right (indeed, the main difference was they were another few inches over into the next space).  They did this nasty deed as my daughter and I were waiting to pull into the next parking space just to the right of the one they had had taken.  These two lovely people stopped, looked at their parking job for a second, glanced at us waiting to pull in next to them, and then shrugged and walked off without re-parking.   I wish I had a copy of Professor Forni's book to give them, and I confess that I did rummage around my car to see if I had a copy of The No Asshole Rule to give them -- alas I did not (I wonder, would giving them the book had broken Professor Forni's rules?)

So -- despite my concerns -- I am most curious to learn more about this new civility movement. It just might be a good idea!

P.S. The above picture comes from this post called Why Hugh Hefner Likes the No Asshole Rule and is the first image that popped-up when I put "no asshole rule" in the "image" search engine on Google. So I am not alone in viewing this as a sign of an urban asshole.

Comments

[Chris in Georgia]

Bob,

I just finished The No Asshole Rule. Excellent book and very much needed these days. I'm reminded of something I heard years ago, I believe it was said by the person who developed the Predictive Index (PI) personality test, that "we hire people for what they know, and fire them for who they are."

Having just left a company where I had to report into a serial asshole your book made me laugh and promise never again!

Thank you!

[Leslie Burns-Dell'Acqua]

I'm surprised you don't know about this site:
http://youparklikeanasshole.com/

I keep some of their notes in my car at all times. :-)
-Leslie

[Marta]

You should see how people park cars in Italy!!! This blog is very nice and useful!!

[Imperadør Hasemörder]

Down here in New Orleans the common quote from Dr. Bob http://www.drbobart.net is "Be nice or leave".

But that's really just a folky version of the no asshole role isn't it?

Doing well, Robert Sutton.?.?

Robert Sutton.

[John Hunter]

I think he got the idea from the last episode of Seinfeld :) (just kidding)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Finale_(Seinfeld_episode)
The four main characters are then taken into custody for violating the Good Samaritan law that requires bystanders to help out in such a situation.

Civility in the USA is in need of help.

[HR Wench]

Phyllis,
Do you have a weather proof parking ticket that says "Thanks Asshole!"? I think that would have worked perfectly in Bob's situation.

[CKG]

Hi Bob,

Another thought-provoking post, as always.

As I read this, I came to wonder about the civility concept compared to the positive parenting movement. In general, if we came to see positive reinforcement as the powerful tool it is, we might all be better off. So frequently, we mistake negativity or sarcasm for evidence of intelligence or high standards, which just reinforces the nastiness around us. Those who can absorb the concept that it takes a very secure and powerful person to make judgments without putdowns are far more likely to be the kinds of leaders others flock to follow. Just a thought.

[Phyllis]

Hey Bob...Bad parking is a true pet peeve of mine, I can relate to your recent frustrations. I keep my own special type of parking tickets in my glove compartment. Helps me blow off steam to the assholes.