Bob Sutton

New York Times, I Hate People, Censorship, and Headphones as Protective Devices

This morning's Sunday New York Times has a well-researched piece by Phyllis Korkki in her Career Couch column called "I Find You Annoying, But I Can Cope." It starts out with a quote from Jonathan Littman about the implications of the ideas in I Hate People for dealing people who bug you at work (see their post), and travels through a lot different methods for coping with the problem from several other researchers and the like.  I was quoted in the article several times, emphasizing some of my favorite themes from The No Asshole Rule including the virtues of learning indifference and emotional detachment to deal with people who bug you, especially when you can't make an immediate escape -- to not let them touch your soul as I say so often.

 Alas, very early in my conversations with Phyllis she informed that, as had happened with The New York Times from the outset, they wouldn't publish the name of my book, even though it is a bestseller, the ideas are used in many companies, it was on their bestseller list (albeit as The No ******* Rule), and they accepted a lot of money from my publisher to print large ads that mocked them for not printing the title.  In fact, they weren't even willing to indicate that I was an author of a book on the subject in the article.  I find the whole thing silly but made clear to Phyllis that I understood Times policy and we should go ahead with the interviews, and I think she did a great job of capturing all sorts of ways of coping with challenge of working with people who drive you crazy.  This censorship thing comes with the territory, and as I wrote here and here at Huffington awhile back, is something I've tried to have fun with -- but I remain amazed by who is offended and who is not by the title -- it was fine for a bible studies class, the Wall Street Journal, and Fortune, but not for The New York Times!

I also wanted to dig into my comment in the article about the virtues of using headphones when you are in a loud office environment that makes it hard to concentrate (The above drawing takes this to its logical conclusion, because as I mentioned to her and Jonathan did too, I described how conflicts sometimes erupt in workplaces because other eat food that smells bad to their colleagues).  When I talked to Phyllis, I mentioned that a good pair of noise-canceling headphones had prov en essential to my son for shutting-out his loud college roommate last year.  In addition, it reminded me of 1995 study (here is the reference and abstract)by Greg Oldham and his colleagues, an experiment conducted in an organization, where they gave a random sample of employees the opportunity to listen to headphones while they worked (people who held diverse jobs in retail organization) and then tracked their tracked their reactions for four weeks, and compared them to people in a control condition who weren't offered the chance to use headphones.  They found employees who used headphones "exhibited significant improvements in performance, turnover intentions, organization satisfaction, mood states, and other responses."  They also found that people in the most boring and simple jobs had the most positive reactions to wearing the headphones... so there is some decent, if not definitive, evidence to support the use of headphones.

The HateMobile

The authors of I Hate People, Jonathan and Marc, customized their rental car so it was a rolling advertisement for their book. A brilliant move I think,  although perhaps a bit dangerous in New York City. Check out their post, which also describes the excitement they generated  handing out promotional swag in Times Square.  These guys are getting piles of attention in the main stream media, CNN,Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. So I have to hand it to them because they are doing the guerrilla marketing thing too.

The No Asshole Rule at Shakespeare Miami

I still get perhaps 20 emails a week from people about the challenges and triumphs of dealing with workplace assholes. I try to respond to each, but don’t print most of them because I know that readers of this blog aren’t interested in reading about all assholes all the time, and I would be bored to tears too if that was all I ever wrote about.  But every now and then I get a note that is just wonderful and feel compelled to share it.  Today, I got one of my favorite notes ever, from Colleen Stovall, who is the Producing Artistic Director at Shakespeare Miami – which enforces the no asshole rule.  I usually don’t print emails verbatim, but Colleen’s note is so good that I don’t want to deprive you of any of it.  Here it is:

Dear Dr. Sutton:

I have worked with attorneys in the past and witnessed firsthand what unchecked aggression and bad behavior can do to morale and performance. Many years ago I was brought in to cover maternity leave for a legal secretary who worked for a "screamer". I was in despair and ready to quit until I realized that I had nothing to lose. I walked into his office and calmly told the screamer that the first time he raised his voice to me I would erase his hard drive. I thought I would be fired on the spot, but strangely, he agreed. From then on all it took was a raised eyebrow. Life at work became much better for both of us.

Behavior in the theater can easily become very destructive. Directors routinely turn a blind eye to bad behavior in the name of nurturing or retaining top talent. Some talented actors think that to be a "real" leading actor, they need to behave like jerks. This attitude can become destructive and quickly poison the morale of an entire cast. Anyone applying for a position with Shakespeare Miami is not only told about our "No Assholes" rule, they are required to sign an agreement to abide by it. It is posted on our website: www.shakespearemiami.com

What We're Looking For in Actors Ensemble (the French word for "together")

We choose to work with talented, entertainers who are NICE people who get along with fellow actors and crew.  We want people who make it a pleasure for a director to have you on their stage. We are looking for parts of a whole, people who can function well as a team. Following the advice of the Harvard Review of New Management Techniques', we are committed to the ideas in the award winning book by Bob Sutton "The No Assholes Rule". In order to create a creative, healthy work environment where talent is recognized, young people are mentored and actors can feel challenged to learn and to polish their craft, we have instituted an active, committed and strongly enforced "No Assholes" rule in our company. For more information on this management technique, to buy his award winning book or to take the test to see if you qualify....see Bob's webpage: www.bobsutton.typepad.com

I just wanted you to know that it really works. Thanks so much.

Sincerely,

Colleen Stovall
Producing Artistic Director
Shakespeare Miami

Great Review for "I Hate People" In Today's Wall Street Journal

At breakfast this morning, my wife pointed out that I Hate People (which I endorsed and is a book I love) got a long and very positive review in today's Wall Street Journal.   The reviewer did a bit of nit-picking, but he clearly is a big fan of the book.  Predicting which books will be best-sellers and which will not is impossible, but my first reaction to reading this book, which persists, is that if any book in the current market deserves to be one, this is it, because business books that are both fun and useful are as rare as hen's teeth. Check out the review here, and here is a taste.

Refreshingly, the authors don't pretend to have all the answers. If the workplace career-killer happens to be your boss, they admit, sometimes the best you can do is hang in there and hope that he or she self-destructs. (And don't expect any help from HR.)

"I Hate People" is at its best with specifics like the best length of time for a meeting (half an hour, and no laptops or cellphones allowed) and the ideal size of a project team (three to five people). For those who dread being trapped into cellphone chit-chat with a windbag colleague, there is a devilishly clever online service called Slydial, which sends your call directly to voicemail without running the risk of a time- and spirit-sapping conversation.

"I Hate People" is a bracing antidote to the management bromide that "there is no 'i' in 'team.' " True enough, Messrs. Hershon and Littman would say -- but if you move things around a bit, there is a "me."

The Asshole and Umpire

We are are in the middle of baseball season here in the United States, and as in any sport where people succeed and fail in public and there is performance pressure, the situation is ripe to turn even mild-mannered people into temporary assholes, and of course, to unleash the full force of certified assholes.  On that point, I got an instructive and entertaining email from Dave Coates, a senior HR manager and a guy who has served as an umpire now and then.  Here is his story:

A few years ago I was an umpire for a local softball organization.  During the third inning in one game I blew a call at second base.  The coach for the negatively impacted team immediately got in my face and spontaneously hit a full-blown asshole rage.  I called timeout and sent both teams to their respective dugouts and asked the coach to join me in centerfield.  His rage continued until I told him to shut-up or the game was over.  Once I had quiet, I told the coach that he was right, I had blown the call and I was not going to reverse it.  However, my mistake did not cost his team any runs and earlier in the game his shortstop had made two fielding errors that has cost his team three runs.  I now want to know why is it okay for him to get in my face and cuss me out based on my error, but he never said a word to his shortstop when the errors had cost his team runs.  The coach was speechless.  I then told him he had two choices: 1) Shut the hell up and play the game with no further incident, or 2) If the yelling at the umpire continued I would forfeit the game to other team taking his team out of contention for the league championship.  Needless, to say the game was finished without further incident.  To this day, the coach is still an asshole.

One of the interesting things about this story is that Dave used the "Dirty Harry" method of conflict resolution -- exercising the full powers of his position (I guess Dirty Harry went beyond the rules a lot, but Dave was fully in his rights).  I believe that, when you have the power, and people are acting like flaming assholes, it is fully justified.  Unfortunately, most of us don't have such power to deal with the assholes in our lives and must resort to more subtle methods.

Dave, thanks for the story!

Don't Let Them Touch Your Soul

In The No Asshole Rule, and in my asshole management tips, I talk about all sorts of different ways to engage with and undermine assholes, everything from direct confrontation to building coalition against them, to embarrassing them.  But I also point out that learning the art of indifference and emotional detachment, to not let them tough your soul, is at times the best thing you can do to protect yourself.  I mostly have recommended this strategy for people trapped with assholes who, at least for now, they can't escape.  But I was fascinated by a story in today's Wall Street Journal called "Are Misbehavin" about all the awful rude things that theater goers do these days -- not because they do so many rude things, but because of the way that one performer dealt with a remarkably rude audience member:

During a Saturday matinee of the Holocaust drama "Irena's Vow," a man walked in late and called up to actress Tovah Feldshuh to halt her monologue until he got settled. "He shouted, 'Can you please wait a second?' and then continued on toward his seat," recalls Nick Ahlers, a science teacher from Newark, N.J., who was in the audience. He says the actress complied.

Ms. Feldshuh says she typically pauses when she's interrupted. She doesn't recall the incident, which she says may be evidence of the Zen attitude she's cultivated onstage. "I have no negative energy about it to even remember," she says.

I am in awe of Ms. Feldhush's ability to not let such awful behavior touch her soul, to protect her mental health and ability to perform without getting rattled.  Her comment about not having the negative energy to even remember it is just lovely, and to me, a sign of great focus and mental health -- indeed, as I've discussed here before, people who ruminate over slights and remain bitter (compared to those who forgive others) generally suffer better mental health. 

Yet, part of me wonders if a better strategy is still to fight back, to not let those assholes get away with their dirty work, as in this example from the story:

Earlier this year, Patti LuPone lit up gossip blogs when she broke character in "Gypsy" to scream at an audience member taking pictures. Ms. LuPone says her frustration boiled over. "I had just had 10 months of pointing out to ushers texting, pointing out to ushers videoing, pointing out to ushers somebody on a phone," she says. "I just freaked."

I wonder what thoughts people have about when it is best to "go Zen" versus fighting back, and if there is a constructive middle ground (perhaps going Zen during the rudeness, but then having a system where the asshole is not allowed to buy a ticket again, much like the "blacklist" that some major airlines use to ban asshole passengers). 

P.S. Also check out this story on LA Theatre Etiquette -- good fun.

Apes, Humans, and The No Asshole Rule

The discussion of baboons in Harvard Business Review, as well as here and at the HBR site, reminded me of some intriguing work by anthropologist Christopher Boehm about whether humans (and other apes) are "prone to dominate or live harmoniously with each other."  The puzzle that Boehm tried to untangle was why, given that chimps, gorillas, and Bonobos (with which we share over 98% of the same genes) are so distinctly hierarchical and dominated by alpha males; yet studies of human hunter-gathers show that they are so distinctly egalitarian. Boehm studied 50 small, non-literate cultures to see how egalitarian they were, and why. He found that they were quite deliberately egalitarian- - and believed so strongly in maintaining political parity among adults, that males who turned into selfish bullies or who just tried to boss around everyone too much we were treated as "moral deviants."  Their peers responded aggressively by shaming, ostracizing, and ejecting them from the group. 

Boehm's interpretation of this intolerance for bullying and self-aggrandizement is fascinating, both in terms of the evolutionary basis of the no asshole rule and the tug of war that you see constantly in society between the numerous people prone to grab power and goodies for themselves and the numerous people that fight back to stop them (think of the current battle over executive pay).  Boehm's interpretation is that human hunter-gathers were actually quite similar to their fellow apes in that "they were prone to dominate each other," and thus "if these people had not so vigilantly worked against inequality, they would have soon turned hierarchical."  To put words in Boehm's mouth, people in these tribes aggressively enforced the no asshole rule as a deterrent against excessive dominance.

Boehm goes on to make a fascinating statement about we humans and our closest relatives that I think explains a lot about the behavior we see in so much of society: "We must ask, then, why a species so inclined to domination has been motivated to insist that power be shared so equally. And here, I believe, is the answer: Just as all four of the aforementioned species have strong propensity to domination and submission, so do they naturally resent being dominated."  In other words, we are both attracted to power (and to the powerful) but hate being pushed around and have a desire to parity (or more egalitarian relationships). 

I've been thinking about this a lot this morning because these tensions -- which clash the point of being irreconcilable-- help explain why there is so much inconsistency in human social behavior.  It also explains why being a leader requires walking a tightrope. On the one hand, people want a leader who they see as strong and in control (and leaders want to dominate their followers), but followers also want a leader who is unselfish, benevolent, and egalitarian.  Striking just the right balance here, day after day, isn't easy for any leader -- and as I wrote about in the HBR article, the dynamics of power make it even tougher because of the toxic tandem (people in power tend to become oblivious to their followers; while followers tend to watch their leaders actions very closely).  Yet to walk the tightrope, leaders need to be especially in tune with how their people react to every little move they make.

P.S. You can read Boehm's article here in Greater Good or if you really want to dig-in, check out his book Hierarchy in the Forest.

I Hate People: A Book You Will Love

 

Writing a business book that is funny and useful is REALLY tough to do.  The Peter Principle qualifies, so does Up the Organization, and so does my all time favorite business book on anything, Orbiting the Giant Hairball.  But most books that attempt this trick end-up as big flops. A brand new book is coming out this week that is so funny and useful that belongs in the esteemed company of such masterpieces.  I  Hate People: Kick Loose from the Overbearing and Underhanded Jerks at Work and Get What You Want Out of Your Job presents a compelling recipe for navigating through the kinds of people in the workplace that make us all miserable.  Authors Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon call these jerks, losers, and time-suckers "The Ten Least Wanted." Examples include "Stop Sign," "Flim-Flam," "Bulldozer," and one of my least favorite "Smiley Face." The book is filled with all kinds of testsfor assessing how much you hate people, how many of these difficult people you must deal with, and more important, it is filled with great advice about how to survive and thrive among these creeps and losers.

They are also doing a host of funny and effective stuff to give readers a taste of the book, or to help people who read the book dig into the ideas more.  Check out their blog, I Hate People... But It's Nothing Personal, especially check out their silly conversation about how "Smiley Face" bosses express insincere passion as they screw-up people's lives. I also loved their post on Brits Have the Shortest Fuse.  And if you are really lucky, you can get an "I Hate People"  Do Not Disturb sign from them somehow.. I brought them home to my three teenagers on Friday, and now one hangs from each of their doors. 

Jonathan and Marc have written a great book, I believe, because they have different skills, but see the world in the same way. Jonathan is an experienced writer and author, notably joining Tom Kelley to write their IDEO-inspired books The Art of Innovation and Ten Faces of Innovation, and Jonathan has done a lot of serious journalism too,.  In fact, he has spent a great deal of time over the past couple years writing about steroid scandals in sports.   Marc is a wildly creative guy, perhaps most well-known for is work inventing the names of famous things such as the BlackBerry and Swiffer, but he also does and teaches stand-up comedy, produces cartoons for newspapers, and writes screenplays for movies, especially for the Hallmark channel... to name just some of the creative stuff he does.  The book is written in a consistent and persistently funny voice that reflects the quirks and skills of these two very talented people.

Finally, I Hate People has one of the funniest endorsement's I've ever seen. Comedian Dana Carvey says "Ironically, I hate the people who wrote this book."  I would also add that much as Arthur Bell's blurb suggest, this is the rare book that is clever and funny -- as you laugh along with Jonathan and Marc, you realize that their analysis and solutions are actually deeper and more useful than the piles of management books out their that take themselves far more seriously -- indeed, when I read it a few months back for the first time when they asked me to do a blurb, I was just blown away by how clever their ideas were for dealing with, coping with, and triumphing over the parade of creeps and idiots who populate too many workplaces.

Amazon just started shipping it today, you might want to grab a copy. 

You Can Now Post Your ARSE Score on Facebook and Twitter!

Thanks to some great work by the people at Electric Pulp, now, when you take the ARSE Test (Asshole Rating Self-Exam), you can posted your score on Facebook or Twitter with just one click.  As regular readers of this blog know, the ARSE is my 24 item self test to determine if you are a certified asshole or not.  I just took it again for the first time in about a year and got 4 out of 24 (now posted on my Facebook profile), so I am not a certified asshole, but have my moments. Also, Emily from Electric Pulp reports that, as of today, 192,431 people have completed the test, with a mean of 6.9.  So, the self-examination continues!

Do You Think This Guy Read The Book?

The No Asshole Rule has had many, many reviews by now, most positive, and a few negative.  And I have by this point seen all sorts of weird reactions, and have learned to laugh about them.  One just went up at Amazon this is especially weird -- and funny -- because it provides not even a hint that the reviewer read the book. I guess that having such a strong title provokes this kind of thing, but most people who write a negative review of a book usually actually say something about he content of the book!  I guess he didn't like the title. Here it is:

A**HO** survive due to bigger A*ES, May 5, 2009 By  Kaleem "kevin9984" (Atlanta, GA USA) - See all my reviews My personal experience is when ever there is an ahole who seems to survive no matter what damage he does, it is because this ahole licks a bigger ahole, his boss. Then this ahole boss does same to his ahole boss. Even if one normal person exists in hierarchy - the ahole chain breaks and aholes are gone. I guess being an aggressive person I never had anyone intimidate or threaten me. But my rule of thumb is simple - If someone bothers me, I talk to them right away - privately, then immediately to the HR and immediately to their boss. This happens mainly though email for a record. Then when that horrible colleague comes backs at me, I humiliate it publicly. Even if the ahole boss wants to fire you, you have a record. Worse they will move you in a different team. We all only live once, it's something we owe to ourselves, then if someone acts like an ahole, put them in their place. Be bold and be confident.

The ARSE Test: Coming Soon in Romanian!

I tried quite few viral tools related to The No Asshole Rule, ARSE Mail (an e-card for someone suffering from an asshole or to apologize for being an asshole), The ACHE (Asshole Client for Hell Exam -- to assess of your client is a certified asshole) and The Flying ARSE (to assess if you -- or perhaps someone on your flight -- is an asshole airline passenger).  But none have been nearly as successful as the original ARSE (Asshole Rating Self Exam), a self-test to determine if you are a certified asshole.  It is closing in on 200,000 completions and the other day I got a quite strident request from a reader who wants to be able to post his ARSE score on Facebook and Twitter. And as a sign of international impact, I got a request from a book store in Romania the other day to translate it into Romanian for their website. 

Although I study and teach about what spreads and what does not, I still am not very skilled at predicting which viral tools will take off and which won't -- like much of innovation, there is a lot of "throwing it against the wall and seeing what sticks."  But If anyone has any ideas about why the ARSE persists and the other tools have attracted brief and modest interest (although the ACHE does OK), I'd be quite curious.

Another Badly Treated Nurse: How NOT to do a Layoff

I have written both here and The No Asshole Rule about the persistent nastiness that nurses face.  There is quite a bit of research showing that they face insults, glaring. and insensitivity of all stripes at higher rates than most other occupations -- for example a 2003 study in the Journal of Orthopaedic Nursing found that 91% of 461 nurses surveyed had experienced verbal abuse int he past month -- mistreatment that left them feeling attacked, devalued, or humiliated.  Note that doctors are the main culprits in this research, but nurses experience nastiness from a host of others: supervisors, administrators, patients, patient's families, and so on.   I've also written here about the "Dr. Gooser" incident that Dan Denison I observed years ago when we were studying surgical nursing teams.  And I've discussed how, in the United States, The Joint Commission, which accredits hospitals, has recently implemented new guidelines where hospitals that condone or don't stop persistent hostility can lose their accreditation.

Well, as we are in a time of layoffs and other moves associated with tough economic times, nurses are of course suffering the results along with millions of others.  As every boss out there already knows (but all don't do), when it comes to  implementing these tough decisions, there is an important difference between what you do and how you do it.  Layoffs are hard enough, but when they are implemented with a lack of compassion and with insensitivity, they do further damage to the target, magnify fear and anger that spreads among both "survivors" and other potential targets, and undermine the humanity of bosses who implement them poorly.  Unfortunately, there was recently a nearly perfect case of how not to do a layoff reported by the Wisconsin State Journal. Alas, a nurse was the victim of such incompetence. Here is the lead:

A Dean Health System manager removed a nurse from a minor surgical procedure last week — in violation of medical protocol — in order to lay her off, a spokesman for the company confirmed Monday.

The abrupt removal, which spokesman Paul Pitas said posed no danger to the patient, came after the Madison-based health care provider announced Wednesday that it planned to “immediately” lay off 90 employees.

The Dean Health Care system did admit that this was an error in judgment and admitted it was also a violation of operating room procedure:

“There was a period of time in which an RN was not present during the procedure,” Pitas said. “While there were other clinical staff present, including a physician, the absence of an RN goes against established patient-care procedures at Dean Health System.”

The manager who hauled the nurse out of the operating room was described as follows: "This person is very upset and is extremely remorseful over this,” Pitas said, adding that the layoffs created “extraordinary circumstances.” 

In contrast, note the statement from a senior executive: 'Of the layoffs, Craig Smitty, Dean Health System president said last week, “We do not feel patients will notice.”'  My reaction was that, even if I didn't notice that my nurse had removed from the operating room when I was receiving surgery, I would be most unhappy if I discovered this had happened.

Certainly, patients should not receive inferior care even if they don't notice it.  But that is just part of the story. Given these are extraordinary circumstances, it seems to me that extraordinary care is required by management to assure that the layoffs are done as humanely as possible -- for everyone's benefit. Indeed, take a look at the article, and you can see further descriptions of how waves of fear rippled through the hospital the day the layoffs were done because excessive fear and uncertainty were introduced in the process. My hunch is that it is senior management who dropped the ball on this one.  When layoffs are done, orchestrating the process so it does as little additional damage as possible is their responsbility -- HR usually gets blamed when things like this are botched.... but everyone in senior management should help with the process.

I suggest that any boss who is planning layoffs take a look at the story.  It is a lot less painful to learn from someone else's mistakes in this case than to be that seemingly insensitive manager or president.

P.S. Nathan, thanks for sending me this story.

Scott Berkun: 10 Reasons that Managers Become Assholes

I found Scott's post to be quite thoughtful. He actually lists 11 reasons.  My favorite is this one, although all are on target.  The mental health of managers is something that people don't think about enough (and it is especially tough to be a boss these days, and perhaps those of who encounter an asshole boss who is usually civilized should cut them slack):

Their life sucks. What percentage of people are miserable in the corporate world? I think 20-30% is a safe bet. If you’re miserable, you tend to inflict your misery on those who have less power than you do. If your life sucks badly enough you won’t even notice how rude you are to waiters, assistants, and sub-ordinates. It may be nothing personal, or even work related, these people simply have a volcano of negative emotions that must escape somewhere, often in eruptions that they can not control. Just be glad you’re not their spouse or offspring.

In addition, as I talk about in The No Asshole Rule  another reason that managers become assholes is that -- as a growing pile of studies shows, see here and here -- just giving people a little power can make them more focused on their own needs and wants, and less focused on the needs, wants, and actions of others. 

I would like to see some research on this, but I am hypothesizing that more employees have asshole managers than just a year ago or so.  If you think about the economy, people are stuck with an asshole boss have a much harder time leaving for another job.  Those who are stuck are more afraid to fight back against an asshole boss because they are afraid that they will move to the head of the layoff or "performance based" firing list (See this Dilbert cartoon -- people who complain or fight back are among those who make bosses 10 squirm), and finally, on the life sucks theme, if you as a boss are getting your budgets cuts, being ignored and abused by your own boss, facing the stress of laying-off people, and so on, these are all things that drive even the most upbeat manager into a nasty mood.  So I fear that the asshole are on the rise and the power to fight back is plummeting in too many workplaces. In fact, I would be very curious to hear from those of you out there in real jobs of examples that refute or support this hunch of mine.

Finally, I have a little reminder for both asshole bosses and their victims.  For victims, this too shall pass, it may be unwise to fight back now, but it is a good time to patiently gather the facts and weave together a coalition of fellow victims and supporters.  Bide your time and protect yourself as much as you can -- the day may come when things change, when you have more options, or your boss losses power, and you can fight back.  As for you asshole bosses out there: You may believe that your nasty style is helping you maintain control via intimidation,  and perhaps it is (for now), but your enemies may by laying in wait -- and you may reap what you are sowing right now.

The FARCE and the ARSE

I was talking with Bruce Nichols at HarperCollins about The Peter Principle, and suggested that we need a self-test based on the book to determine if someone has reached their level of incompetence, and which methods they are using to mask and cope with what Professor Peter called "final placement syndrome." We have been toying with the idea of doing a self-test similar to the ARSE.  Regular readers of this blog will recall that the ARSE test (Asshole Rating Self Exam) is for assessing if you are a certified asshole or not.  The ARSE continues to be filled out at a pretty high rate; Emily at Electric Pulp reports it is closing in in 190,000 completions (currently at 188,580).

Bruce suggested we could pair the ARSE with the FARCE.  He proposes five questions linked to the acronym and derived from the logic and language of The Peter Principle:  

Friend: Do you have a crucial friend and mentor in the company, without whom you wouldn't be where you are?

Assistant: is yours so priceless and efficient that you couldn't survive without him?

Reach: Have you reached as high as you are likely to go in the company?

Current practices: can you readily explain and defend them?

Explain away: can you readily explain why proposals for change are bad?

Guy Kawasaki took a quick look at the FARCE and his reaction is that we need a longer and more interactive version, along the lines of ARSE. I think he is right and I am tempted to do one, although I should probably resist the temptation because I am too busy and distracted already.  But it sure would be fun to pair the ARSE and FARCE, and then people could take tests to determine if they are an asshole, incompetent, both, or neither. 

P.S. There are some pretty interesting comments in response to my Peter Principle Lives essay at BusinessWeek, and a bit of a polite debate about whether of Sully of "Miracle on the Hudson" fame was one of the few pilots who could have pulled-off that landing or not. 

Revenge versus Indifference: The Virtues of Letting it Go

There is a lot anger these days toward all sorts of villains associated with the meltdown.  And I certainly got plenty mad at the AIG executives and a lot of those financial services CEOs.  But I have tried to remind myself that getting angry and obsessed with avenging others isn't very healthy. 

Yes, there are times when justice demands it and when fighting back creates feelings of control.  Indeed, when it comes to fighting back against assholes, my favorites stories include Jason Zweig's tale of the abused airline employee who sent the culprit's bags to Nairobi (even though he was going to LA),  Sue Sherman's story (see the post about Jason's story)about how she taught new bus drivers in Ann Arbor to save-up an "accident" for revenge against an asshole driver during Christmas time, and my favorite about the radio producer who got back at her food-stealing boss by putting some Ex-Lax laced candies on her desk.

But it is also important to remember the downsides of revenge include -- as you can see in Getting Even,  a classic and well-documented effect is that it can fuel a vicious circle of revenge where each party feels as if the last act of revenge needs to be avenged, and each side travels through life being harmed and then harmed -- without the score ever being settled.

The other and related aspect of revenge is that there are times when people who are damaged devote so much emotional energy and mind share to thoughts of getting even and generalized anger toward their abuser that consumes them, and -- whether they are able to fight back or not -- that inability to get it out of their mind damages their mental and physical health and their other relationships.   I emphasized in The No Asshole Rule that, especially when you are trapped in situation --  bad job with an asshole boss -- that you can't escape from, learning the fine are of emotional detachment, of simply going through the motions to keep your income coming in, but not letting it touch your soul, is sometimes the best solution.  Alas, with unemployment rates what they are, I am afraid that more and more people throughout the world are trapped in that situation than ever before -- so although not everyone agrees me -- I would argue that learning not to give a shit may be a more important survival skills than ever.  I blogged about Why Indifference is as Important as Passion awhile back, and as you can see, got some strong reactions, both pro and con. Tom Peters especially objected -- although I suspect that he isn't trapped in a job with an asshole boss while struggling to pay mortgage and keep food on the table, like all to many Americans are these days. He brags about leaving McKinsey, but I would point out that writing the best selling business book of all time gave him an escape route that most people don't have!  I generally agree with Tom on most things, but not this time. I think his argument holds best for elites during good times, and not so well for the most people the rest of the time.

Indeed, to that point, an interesting study by some Spanish researchers was just published (see it summarized at BPS Digest) that followed 500 employees who suffered job stress, and compared those who responded with thoughts of revenge and anger to those who responded with emotional detachment.  The findings suggest that those who responded with detachment were less likely to be bullied and (albeit a weaker finding) were less likely to suffer strains such as unhappiness, depression, and loss of sleep.  The authors also cite related research in the article that shows having the ability to "switch-off" thoughts about the stress of work during off-work hours protects people from the damage caused by a stressful job.

As I have written before, I am not saying that people ought to be doormats.  In fact, as I read through the research on bullying, revenge, asshole bosses, and detachment, my sense is that fighting back and winning against a bully -- but finding a way to do it without worrying about it constantly and without creating a cycle of revenge might be the best solution possible.  Indeed, the airline employee that Jason Zweig met seemed to have it down. She seem unfazed by the assholes tirade, and just smiled through it all, and sent his luggage 6000 miles or so from his destination.   Alas, however, such perfect acts of revenge are often impossible.  The old saying "don't get mad, get even" is a useful half-truth -- but beware of being locked in a battle with someone who applies the same strategy. 

And, in any case, do everything you can to avoid letting it touch your soul.

P.S. The study is: B MORENOJIMENEZ, A RODRIGUEZMUNOZ, J PASTOR, A SANZVERGEL, E GARROSA (2009). The moderating effects of psychological detachment and thoughts of revenge in workplace bullying. Personality and Individual Differences, 46 (3), 359-364

Oblivious Rich Assholes

One of the themes seen in the current outrage about AIG, executive pay, and the rest is that what seems "normal" to people who have a lot of money and power may be interpreted as signs that they are arrogant, greedy, and insensitive assholes by people who lack such riches and influence.   There are lots of causes of this weird clash, but certainly one of these -- as I have written here before -- is that being in positions of power and status causes people to become remarkably oblivious to the needs, feelings, actions, and even mere presence of those who lack power. See here and here.

Lawyers aren't the only ones who suffer from this disease, but the dynamics of law firms, with vast status differences and cultures that too often encourage selfish and nasty behavior, are breeding grounds for such dynamics.  When my wife worked at a law firm, she often commented how insensitive some the lawyers were to paralegals and legal secretaries, standing and talking in front of their desks as if they didn't exist, bragging about their riches, or perhaps most unfortunate, complaining about how little they were paid within easy earshot of people making who made one-tenth of that amount.  

Along these lines, I ran into a great blog post at She's Lump.  I frankly can't figure out who Lump is, but she clearly works in an office with a lot of attorneys who are suffering from power poisoning.  And her blog is great, no bullshit, and straight from the heart.  Here is her post There Apparently Isn't a No Asshole Rule Here -- which starts:

For a little over a week, I’ve been making a list of things I hear the many attorneys I work with say on the elevator ride up to my office. It’s not as if I’m eavesdropping because I am in an elevator after all, and it’s somewhat hard to have a conversation without someone taking note – and that someone is obviously ME.

These attorneys want to know everyone’s business as well as flaunt their own for the whole elevator audience to hear (OK, not all of them are like this). Or maybe they’re just fucking loud.

Loudly trying to ONE UP the other.

One uppers are assholes.

Then, she provides all kinds of examples of "one uppers," notably the attorney who is bragging about his new Porsche and then is one-upped by the one who bought a new plane.

Of course, lawyers aren't the only ones who suffer from this problem -- I am all also for capitalism and I think it is great when people get rich, especially if they are people I like.   And certainly, we need people to start buying stuff to help bring back the economy.  But if you have more money or power than the people you come in close contact with, the lesson is that you might show a little restraint and awareness about how insensitive your words and deeds may sound -- unless you WANT them to think you are an asshole.

P.S. This also reminds me of a conversation that I had with one of my former neighbors perhaps 15 years ago.  I asked her what she was doing for Thanksgiving. She looked very sad,and told me that, she would have to stay around the Bay Area because her husband -- a new venture capitalist -- hadn't made enough money to buy a place in Palm Springs like his more wealthy partners.   Envy is an awful thing, isn't it?  By the way, her husband struck it rich during the dotcom boom, and she know lives in a huge mansion.  I am not sure they ever got the house in Palm Springs, but I hope she is happy with her riches. I guess Kurt Vonnegut's poem didn't capture her world view. 

Cranky Need Not Apply

It is time to update my Honor Roll of Places That Don't Tolerate Assholes.  I got an email from Nils today with a nice addition, from a group of partners Green Modern Kits, who provide energy efficient solutions of all kinds, including plans for green cabins and houses.  Well, their website reveals how the no asshole rule  can sometimes be created in response to a disturbing event. 

"Today, after all this time, I received my first rude request for information. Rude Person, I appreciate your interest, but I will not expose you to our nice, talented people I have worked so hard to find. Rude Person, if you speak to us that way, how will you treat your contractor? Their subs?"

They also added a new item to their terms of service: " Are you cranky? This may not be the company for you."  The folks at Green Modern Kits might enjoy the ACHE (Asshole Client for Hell Exam) or have their clients do some self-examination with the ARSE.

"That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an Asshole!"

Here is a little story about a driver who would score very high on the Asshole Rating Self-Exam (ARSE):

An Officer stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The Officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an Asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The "Violator" has such a bad driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes sir, that is the defendants copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

Lawyer: "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile Sir."

Lawyer: "Aggressive and Hostile?"

Officer: "Yes Sir?

Lawyer: "Officer, Are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"

Officer: "Well Sir, You know your client better than I do!"

P.S. Les, thanks for sending the story.

Terrell Owens: Time Wounds All Heels?

I argued in The No Asshole Rule that, even in organizations that routinely breed, tolerate, and even celebrate assholes -- where run-of-the-mill assholes are barely noticed -- there can come a point where a person has become such a flaming asshole or the damage has become so evident, that the rule is applied and the person is sent packing.  I wrote the No Asshole Rule to encourage organizations to have higher standards, but it is interesting to see that, in the case of Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens -- a superb individual talent, but a selfish and difficult player -- that he has been sent packing by his employer. This happened because -- apparently -- he was undermining teamwork and distracting coaches and the quarterback from the bigger picture.  Owens was sent packing by the Philadelphia Eagles a few years earlier for pretty much the same reasons.   You can see a kind of similar pattern with Indiana University basketball coach Bob Knight, who got away with a lot nastiness (including, apparently, choking a player at practice).  The same thing happened with Steve Jobs, when he was forced out of Apple -- although it is interesting that in his second tour there were far fewer signs that he was acting like a jerk (now he is trying to recover from some awful illness of course).

So, it might be that most organizations will eventually enforce the rule if someone is out of control or damaging enough.  Perhaps time does wound all heels, but it sure takes a long time before it happens in some places.

Asshole Wrangler: A New Job Title

I have heard managers describe themselves as "toxic handlers" or "in charge of asshole management," but I heard a new job title this morning that I will now use when talking about The No Asshole Rule:  Asshole Wrangler.  It came in this charming note from a manager:

"I had planned to do some therapeutic reading while recovery from surgery and didn't get to your book until the day I came back to work..  Unfortunately I have been anointed the a*hole wrangler from my senior management team and three days out of work leaves plenty of mess to clean up.  Therapy came in an all nighter, finishing your bulk in one sitting.  The TCA list will definitely be shared with my HR director; we haven't found a good way to quantify behavior and your example will be invaluable."