Marge's Asshole Management Metric

Earlier this week, I was teaching a class on evidence-based management to a group of electronics executives. I talked a bit about the no asshole rule in class. This provoked a rowdy conversation during the session, which restarted with a smaller group after the class officially ended. The best story was told to us by a software executive named Bill (his real name, but I’ll omit other details), who described the asshole management technique used by Marge (also her real name), his former boss at the company.  Bill described how Marge uses a four-point system (ranging from 0 to 3) to rate the degree to which a person is acting like an asshole. 

Bill told and showed us how, in the middle of a meeting, Marge would sometimes point at someone, and hold up three fingers to communicate that (at least for the moment) he or she was being too nasty and needed to calm down, and how –- because Marge was so well-respected and they all understood the system -- such signals had an instant and powerful effects.

Well, since we had this discussion with Bill in Thursday, I've exchanged pretty detailed e-mails with Marge and Bill, and she has given me permission to share her system with others. And as you will see, Marge has a very sophisticated system, and there are times when she believes that being more rather less of an asshole is necessary. Unfortunately, I think she is right.

In her own words, this is Marge’s scale:

0 = You are a very nice person, and very passive. No one can say a word against you, and would never think to call you an asshole.

1 = You are a normal person who can occasionally assert yourself on an issue you are passionate about, but you handle yourself in a non-confrontational way in nearly all occasions.

2 = You can consistently assert yourself in a non-confrontational way and are occasionally an asshole, but you feel horrible about it afterwards, and you may or may not apologize (but you probably will have to confess your remorse to someone).

3 = You can consistently be an asshole and you either do not recognize this or you simply enjoy it.

Bill added:

Your rating fluctuates and you can use this rating to manage people to different effect. For example, at [our company] Marge has signaled to me in meetings that I was meeting a 2.5 or a 3, which indicated to me that I should tone things down. (I was usually around a 1, for the record, which was considered acceptable) Others have been labeled a 0.5 or lower, and were told they needed to manage their average rating up closer to 1.

Marge and Bill added that she originated this system in her old company where, often, she had to signal to her people that more nastiness was required to avoid being trampled by others because it was not a nice place. In Marge’s words:

The system originated at another Silicon Valley company that had a far more confrontational and abrasive culture. Political survival demanded that people be consistently a 2.0 and sometimes a 2.5. I had a number of 0.5's on my team and we were all concerned that we were getting battered and beaten by teams that consisted of 3.0's.  

I couldn’t make up stuff this good if I tried.

Four observations:

1. This system fascinates me because it helps me understand why the word “asshole” rather than the milder “bully” or “jerk” is so important to use: This is the word that people actually use to think about, talk about, and in Marge’s case, manage this behavior. The other words may mean nearly the same thing, but simply lack the emotional punch that goes with it.

2. It shows that the degree to which people are, and need to be, assholes are heavily determined by the organization they live in.  If the culture is really nasty, you may need to do it to survive, and even if you don’t want to do it, I would  add, it is a disease you will probably catch from your colleagues.

3. I wish that being an asshole was never necessary, but as I discuss in my chapter on “The Virtues of Assholes,” there are times when it is necessary for survival, and even desirable, at least in the short-term.

4. If you work in a place that is knee-deep in assholes, and you don’t want to turn into one or feel forced to act like one every day, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out. Note that Marge is at a nice place now, and uses her system to help calm people down rather than to crank them-up. This lesson is consistent with what I’ve seen other places, and is one of the main points in my chapter on keeping the inner jerk that lurks in all of us from rearing its ugly head.

Finally, I want to thank Marge and Bill for telling me all about this system, letting me tell you about it, and for writing much of this blog.

Comments

[sabinesgreenp]

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[Jeannie]

Yet again your blog came up, I think the last time I did a google search on how to deal with bullies, now I have reclassified them into assholes. The best technique for me is avoidance and detachment when around them, in particular this one guy. However, besides getting a different job, the store manager is an asshole so the bulllies/assholes(one particular guy) who manage up to the store manager, are enabled in their bullying, and the store manager marginalizes any complaints against them. I just know I won't be in this job forever and I am a better person and I am not going to stoop to their level but it is draining and not very much fun to spend 8 hours there. They just don't teach you these things in business school!!! It is sad to say but I pretend that I am a mannequin and that my brain is empty so I won't get aggravated by the baloney that goes on.

[attract money]

I found your post really interesting and it has really improved my knowledge on the matter. You’ve assisted my understanding on what is usually a hard to tackle subject. Thank you!

[law of attraction tips]

I have to comment on your last post as it was so informative. You really know what you are talking about and can explain things really well. I have only read posts by one other guy who writes as well as you do.

[John C. Welch]

The only problem I have with flashing fingers is that doing something like that makes you every bit the asshole you are telling the other person they're being.

One rule I learned in the military, and it's one that I will bend over backwards to avoid breaking (in the workplace) is "criticize in private, praise in public'. Someone sitting there flashing fingers at you is engaging in public humiliation. Regardless of the reason or justification, that's all it is. At that point, why stop with the fingers? Shush them and tell them to "simma down" too. You've already destroyed their pride, may as well finish the job.

Quite frankly, even if I was, for whatever reason, being an asshole, someone pointing and holding up three fingers in a meeting would get a rather sudden response of "Well thank you Marge. I quit, effective now. If you need me, well, it doesn't really matter. I'm going to go clean out my desk, have my final paycheck waiting."

There's no excuse, even when the person's an asshole for institutionalizing that kind of thing.

[Frank Hileman]

Great blog entry, I loved it!

One interesting thought: if one is an asshole to customers, business will die quickly. Why is it people cannot give their subordiantes the same respect as their customers? Simply because they don't have to in some situations... it is an imbalance of power that can only be corrected with mass defection of subordinates.

[Bri]

Hi Bob,

I'm going to buy your book this weekend. It sounds absolutely wonderful and look forward to the read. This blogspot reminded me of a situation that occurred for me very recently.

I really like the Marge's Asshole Management Metric. According to observations #4, "If you work in a place that is knee-deep in assholes, and you don’t want to turn into one or feel forced to act like one every day, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out. "

The management team at my work, my department, would actually stand up and yell at each other across the tables and room, then think it's ok, even professional. In fact, when I complained, the new VP said that I should just get used to it because that's how they get 'creative' and figure things out. Creative? We were looking at where to post some info on the intranet. It’s not rocket science and it ain’t something I could ever be so passionate about that I would stand across the room from someone yelling. Oh – yeah, what’s more, they gave us a template. I’m a graphic & instructional designer, I know how to be creative – and it isn’t by yelling at each other.

#3's can be rampant. I'm around the 1-2 range, more 1 than 2; however, when surrounded by 3's, as in this company, there's just a complete lack of respect for others that’s prevalent. What’s more, as in my case, if the VP actually encourages others to be 3's and thinks that everyone should be like that... yep - time to go, as fast as is humanly possible. I did exactly that – start work in 10 days at my new job. I’ve never been so relieved to be out of a place.

Thanks for the article, look forward to reading the book.

[Bob Sutton]

Dear Anonymous,

Your point is on target and in fact I too have some experience with this kind. They often have great political skill and emotional control, timing their abuse for moments when they can't get caught. I talk about some of the ways to surivive such people in one of the chapters, but the best way is to find a way to get out if you can.

[Anonymous]

Please allow me to remain anonymous, as I would fear for my job if my name or my blog details were disclosed.

I have been reading your blog for a while and really appreciate it. Your No Asshole Rule sounds great. I have not yet read your book but I shall soon.

The only problem I see with the no asshole rule is when you are dealing with a psychopath boss, who manages to very often make you come accross to the rest of you deparment/unit as an asshole, whilst you are only trying to defend yourself against someone who is really an asshole, but a covert one, who is using deception, manipulation and outright lies to attempt to destroy you.

On the psychopath boss, see: Oliver James, "Is your boss a psychopath?", The Guardian, 18 April 2005.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1462339,00.html

[Jeff the Poustman]

Great system. Intriguing use for signalling a need to both increase and deacrease assholery.

[ann michael]

It's also nice to see that Marge was able to adapt. Unfortunately, I've seen some good people ruined by being in companies with a high nastiness factor for too long (especially if they got there when they were very young).

[Fredex]

The old Army was full of assholes, the new Army not so much.

[Frank]

Excellent piece of writing!

I am taught to never be an asshole. Thank you for bringing be back to earth.

Frank
my blog: http://fscorner.blogger.com