Book Me For A Speech

My Writing and Ranting

Press Room

Good Books

« An Asshole in Advertising | Main | Dilbert Likes the Title »


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


I stumbled upon this post while surfing the net because I can't sleep because I dread going to my I hop job- now I know that I-HOP stands for I hate offensive people. This post made me laugh-today I will keep a sense of humor while dealing with picky grumpy unsatisfiable people, waitresses included.

rather not say

This is so funny but it is so true. I often wonder what people think of me because I am so nice and treat people with respect. I am often the victim of people ignoring me, or looking down at me, I have been a victim of the status slap as well. Its funny to dissect what truly makes an asshole but it is all true. I have always thought that when ordering food you don't flex your power and give the guy making min. wage a hard time. Thank God I have never and will never do this. I even go far as too accept any food even if they messed up the order. I don't like giving people a hard time. Someone has to do that right thing and it mind as well be me. I will be purchasing your book. Great idea!


grande sugar free vanilla americano w/ a little steamed soy. but i'm always VERY sweet about it and thank my baristas profusely. (i should, because then i stay and study for the next 6 hours... and my ringer is always on silent except for the special occasions when it's on vibrate.)


Soy chai latte for me!

I'm one the few people who do not own a cell phone and really don't mind living without one. with everyone's little quirky ringtones constantly buzzing and beeping, I really don't want to contribute to that annoyance.

I'm especially annoyed at how little people pay attention to exactly what they're doing when a phone is attatched to their ear (i.e., driving).

Bob Sutton


Don't blame me -- I went to Cal and The University of Michigan, I just work at Stanford!

Han Solo

Yep, kinda like the difference between what a Stanfard grad would order vs. the rest of the world.

Meg Flasco

Regarding assholes, this also applies to dealing with customers who are the biggest offenders. By the way, the customer isn't always right! I work for Jackson Hewitt and we always have these low income, pea-brained, uneducated dinks that come in to file their taxes. Talk about a freak show!! Anyway, this stupid woman rolled her eyes at me the other day and I wanted to put my foot up her big fat ass!! I asked her a question and she didn't understand because she was an idiot to begin with, and therefore, tried to make me look like the moron!! Go figure!!


I'm a huge asshole and my starbucks order is really simple.

tall coffee with 28 shots of espresso.

or does that count 28 times?


The funny thing about the drink you listed is that it doesn't exist! Cappuccinos are hot only, you can't have extra dry if it's already fully wet!

Now in my barista days at starbucks I had a lady order _i kid you not_ a grande cup filled to the plastic line between the top green line and the top of the cup with our frappuccino mix, 2 shots, one pump of vanilla and 2 ice cubes blended for 3.5 seconds in the blender and put in a venti cup.


And she was a beyotch. Go figure.

Elaine, Bellman of Belly Laugh Day, January 24

Starbucks test. As a guy next to me at Starbucks ordered a drink I kept hearing him say no this, no that, and non.
I thought what is his real drink? What is his yes drink? He really was vehement about "no spinkles". Now I know why he did not laugh when I asked him, "All those no's what is your yes drink?"

Ken Leebow

The best thing about Starbucks... marketing! How in the world did they get us to spend $3+ for a cup of Joe? And, now they've got the kids addicted to, in essence, hot milkshakes.

John C. Randolph

The person with a very complicated order may be an asshole, but they may also be suffering from obsessivie-compulsive disorder. Let's try to give them the benefit of the doubt.



I used to work with this arsehole a few years back... if we were having a meeting with our agency or a partner etc, he'd always come in with a starbucks cup so he looked 'cool' in the meeting. If the meeting was in the afternoon, he used to make a regular freeze dried coffee in a mug and pour it into his starbucks cup. There is definately a starbucks effect - really brings out the arseholes.

Barista Blues

It feels like Starbucks, in giving its customers such an obscene range of drink options, really cultivates assholes. It's not really about the length of the order, though. It's more how they order (while talking on a cellphone, or slurring the entire order into one long incomprehensible word, or both), how the customer responds when asked to repeat their order due to aforementioned incomprehensibility (rolling eyes and repeating each part in a tone normally reserved for mentally handicapped foreigners and separated by indignant pauses), or how they respond when presented with their drink (loudly stating "this had better be extra hot" before taking a tentative sip, grimacing in mild displeasure, shrugging and walking off in a huff).

As Thomas Niss said, being nice and/or humorous about your ridiculous order will prevent you from being labeled as an asshole, at least by the baristas. Although don't be fooled into thinking you're doing us a favor by ordering something out of the ordinary. We don't love it. We pretend to because that's our job, although it does give a small sense of satisfaction in an otherwise soul-numbing job to remember and properly ring in long orders on the first try.


The rule works for politicians as well: Katherine Harris (R-FL) standard Starbucks order is a "extra hot venti triple latte, no fat, no foam, one Sweet’N Low".

Coleman Nitroy

For all of us who started out in a Starbucks or some other service industry job to make connections to get on with our careers, this was nice to hear.

I definitely go about flagging assholes and dealing with them differently because of my experience in the asshole olympics before my first career job.

And to touch on cellphone ass-hatery sure it is rude in a restaurant or meeting to use your phone but I think it goes even further when it endanger someone's life. I've had to kick cars, stop so fast my clutch cable snapped and break fluid boiled, pound on windows, and even end up on a sidewalk riding my motorcycle to work because of people not seeing me as they turn or merge due to a cellphone glued to the sides of there dumb faces.

Bryan Levon

I'll be honest. Working at starbucks, you get them both - assholes who like to prove how complicated a drink they can come up with that will taste the same if it's made the normal way, and assholes who can't put the phone down for 2 seconds while going through the drive-thru, or even standing in line. Yes, because we all want to hear how Sha-nae-nae's doing, Moesha. The absolute worst is people who tell YOU to hold on while they end their cellphone call. I pay those people no respect. Maybe this makes ME an asshole, but at least it's not for talking on my phone while in the drive-thru.

Thomas Niss

The "Starbucks Test" - a deep "barista centric" perspective: I order a double tall, non fat, sugar free vanilla, extra hot, upside down, light caramel caramel macchiato - and I actually had a number of fun conversation with baristas about my order. They usually love it: love to hear it, love to say it out loud, love to laugh about it; I guess because it's a welcome break from the straight tall late order. And because it's "unexpected", meaning not everybody orders a drink like that, they have an easier time remembering the specific customer- which has to be a better feeling than just serving faceless tall lates all day.

It's not so much about the complexity of the order but about the way one places the order. Too many service people are starving for a smile from stressed out customers - I always have to smile about my order and smiling is wonderfully contagious...


Hey Bob, it's Min from Clicks n Bricks. Here's the other side of the fence: I ordered a tall iced vanilla latte yesterday and was surprised to finish it in only a minute. Why? They filled the cup with 3/4 ice. ooohh... not cool..

Kent Blumberg

Worse than cell phones in my book: checking your Blackberry for messages while you are meeting with someone. I watched a potential supplier do this while he was "listening" to me. My business went elsewhere.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been saved. Comments are moderated and will not appear until approved by the author. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Comments are moderated, and will not appear until the author has approved them.

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

Asshole Survival

Scaling Up

Good Boss Bad Boss

No Asshole Rule

Hard Facts

Weird Ideas

Knowing -Doing Gap

The No Asshole Rule:Articles and Stories