The Damage Done

I confess that it is fun to write about things like the Asshole song  and The Pecking Order. And I guess I can justify this fun because it makes it easier to talk about a difficult subject (one of the classic benefits of humor). But whenever I start having too much fun with the subject, I am brought back Earth with reminders about how much damage that workplace assholes do to victims, co-workers, and families. As I show in The No Asshole Rule, multiple surveys from the  U.S. and the United Kingdom suggest that between 15% and 25% of employees report being the victims of persistent psychological abuse at work (and the percentages are much higher in some occupations, like nursing).  The negative effects of such abuse on mental and physical health of both victims and bystanders are well-documented, along with evidence that demeaning jerks drive people out of organizations and undermine the commitment of those who won’t or can’t leave. But statistics don’t quite capture the bad feelings and other nasty effects generated by workplace assholes.

I have been getting some mighty grim emails lately about the damage done by demeaning and abusive peers and bosses, which remind that the no asshole rule is something that organizations – and assholes themselves – need to take seriously, both to protect the esteem of their people and to develop a productive and creative workforce. These emails also remind me that the policies that firms like SuccessFactors or Southwest have against hiring (or tolerating) nasty people could stop a lot of destruction if they were adopted in more workplaces.

Consider one manager who was clearly working in a place dominated by the  “pro-asshole” rather than the “no asshole” rule.  He wrote me that, when he expressed disagreement with his boss about a merger (after being asked for his opinion during a meeting), his boss shot back, “I know what your saying and if anyone comes up to me and is a naysayer about this project I going to tell them that they are a idiot!”  Ouch! That will teach employees that the only right answers are “yes boss,” “you are right,” and “I agree completely.”

Even worse, a distraught woman who was promoted to supervisory position under an abusive boss wrote:

I was promoted to supervisor 9 months ago and only lasted in the position for 6 months because I couldn't work with the same boss I worked with before!! I hate to admit I knew she could be an asshole before I accepted the position. What was I thinking? I heard the yelling sessions behind closed doors with her superiors. I heard the nasty things she would say about anyone who 'got her in trouble'.

Once I was supervisor, there was no 'mentoring' or 'coaching' as I had expected from her. If I made one mistake in judgment or on a function I was performing, I was pulled into the office for an hour long discussion which usually ended with "do you want to step down?" This happened about every two weeks.  I started to lose sleep, stop eating, hiding mistakes for the fear of being pulled in the office and trying to find ways to deal with the negativity or avoid meeting with her. I sought counseling from a coworker, begged her and her boss to send me to training seminars; they said they'd send me to seminars---broken promises. … Finally, after she flat out told me she just didn’t have the time to train me, I went over her head to personnel. 

Unfortunately, although the personnel department tried to intervene, they had no luck reforming this abusive boss, and so this employee just gave-up. But even that doesn’t seem to be working. She added,  “I went back to my old job and kept part of my raise...but she just has not backed down. If I make one mistake however minor it is to everyone else who has made it as well---I'm pulled in the office and yelled at.” And she went on to say,  “Right now, …I can't sleep or eat very well. I have to take anti-anxiety pills in order to sleep.”

The statistics about prevalence and effects of workplace are important to remember, but stories like this one make the millions of painful experiences behind such numbers come alive.  Such stories also remind us of other key lessons about how to survive the wrath of uncivilized and demeaning people.  This employee, as she says, knew her new boss would be an asshole before she took the job – after all, she had overheard all that screaming. It also is a reminder that enforcing the no asshole rule is something that is best done as part of an organization everyday routines– and I mean not what is routinely said, but what is routinely done.  This woman complained to personnel, but they were unable or unwilling to actually enforce the rule. Perhaps they will do something eventually, but there seemed to be no effort to reel in this nasty boss, who apparently blamed her underlings for mistakes they made as a result of her own impatience and incompetence.

I advised this poor woman to get out of that workplace if she possibly could and, in the meantime, to carefully document every incident in the event that she needed to demonstrate the pattern of abuse to HR or an attorney.  If anyone else has any other advice, please chime

Comments

[Pete Aldin]

Must agree with mattam above. This is a sensational post and I welcome your thoughts and the way you articulate the problem. There's gotta be some other solutions though. Coz I worked for a workplace psychopath for a decade; I've escaped but many others are stuck there by the Golden Handcuff and are still being abused, even turned abuser themselves to survive.

I wrote a series of posts about Dependency Theory and how we can use its principles to find ways of getting away from thse assholes that unfortunately hold the power of the dollar over us.

If i had my way the NO Asshole Rule would become law. :) - great blog man.

[mattam]

Though interesting and in many ways enjoyable the post and comments are, effectively only one sound solution has been suggested to a problem faced by the employee: "get out of there". I appreciate it is difficult to apply but there are a number of techniques to stand up to an abusive boss. Surely, with the abundance of a.holes around, every one of us has a trick or two to share, that makes the life easier.

[Bob Sutton]

Thanks for the very thoughtful comments. In many of your comments, there are two themes. The first one (Michael, I think you nailed it) is the question of who the asshole is here -- if a boss lets a manager get away with this time and time again, it is a sign of incompetence. The second one (Lilly and Jim) points to the fact that there is something systemic here, apparently a system of norms about what is right and what is wrong, as well as a power structure that make it hard to fix -- so I agree with Jim that HR likely did nothing because they didn't have any real power (a problem in too many organizations). And finally, Lilly, yes , you are on target about a documenting, and also about the climate of fear and how it leads to disasters like BP.

Oh, one more thing, in writing The No Asshole Rule, I looked (with a lot of help from my wife, a lawyer)into the question of whether it is against the law to be a jerk. And it seems that in the states -- although perhaps not in the UK -- that being an equal opportunity asshole is likely not unlawful. BUT if, say a man, is generally an asshole and happens to do it to minorities or women, nasty actions may be labeled as unlawful. Think of trying to defend a client (like the star of the TV show House) with argument "I know he make nasty comments to women and Asians and Blacks, but he demeans everyone, not just members of those groups." It might fly, but is not a very convincing argument.

In fact, I had an earlier post on an attorney at Holland & Knight who was accused by women in his office of sexual harassment, in part, because he asked them to "feel his pipes" (his muscular biceps); he admitted that he did this, but his defense was that he asked both men and women to feel his pipes. It would be funny if it wasn't true.

[Mike]

I found the story about the woman who was promoted to supervisor by an abusive boss very interesting. Who's the asshole here? Is it the abusive boss or is it the abusive boss' superiors who tolerate this and let it go on? Allowing one of your subordinates to be an asshole not only makes you one too - but a bigger one at that! You don't have to overtly act like an asshole to be one, sometimes accepting this behavior in others is enough to make you one.

[Lilly Evans]

This is a terrible situation and surely one that the person should prepare to leave. Documenting situation is worthwhile for her sanity. Unfortunately, I do not think it will change anything.

However, you do not say where is your correspondent working. I mean, let us suppose this is a company where errors can have catastrophic outcomes - say chemical plant. The asshole boss is effectively creating situations where the whole company is at increasing risk! And then, Health and Safety regulators may have something to say on the matter.

I think the example of BP in Texas refinery case might have something to do with asshole bosses. Has anyone checked? If so, I think other companies will be weary in the future.

Finally, my advice woul be, keep diary of situations and reactions, try to record (hidden mike) some of the yelling sessions, realise this is not just you, try to detach from it all, get another job and then pursue the woman for personal injury/ harrasment/ ureasonable behaviour at work!

[Pat McGee]

Is it possible that some laws outside the employment law realm already address behaviors like this? I'm thinking that if my neighbor did stuff like this to me, I could find a legal remedy. Could those same things work in employment situations? After all, no employment contract specifies that the employee must quietly put up with abuse.

[Jim Anderson]

Your advice about documentation is good, although ultimately HR is not likely to be able to solve this problem. Abusive managers are given permission (explicit or implicit) to behave that way by *their* management. Maybe HR can help raise the issue somewhere up the line, but in most cases the only authority HR has is that which is granted to it by line management.

In my view the problem has to be solved by the management of the functional area or business unit she is in. And if her boss's boss, or even higher, won't do anything about the problem, then it's clear what kind of organization she is working for and she should get out. Maybe she can pursue legal action, but if she's already having sleepless nights and taking anxiety medicine, I'm not sure I'd recommend that appraoch. Such an action is an awfully stressful and anxiety-provoking experience, "win" or lose.