You Can't Please Everyone: "Amusingly Poetic Vitriol"

I have written in-depth about "Why I call them assholes," why for me, no other word captures the emotions I feel when I am the victim of a demeaning creep, when I see others being abused by some jerk, or when the word I apply to myself when I have been nasty schmuck.  I also understand that the word does offend some people and that they object to my dirty language.  I always say (to steal phrase from William Wrigley Jr., of chewing gum fame), that "when two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary," so I respect people who object to my dirty title and I admire them for speaking-up.

I especially admire people who complain eloquently.  Last Saturday, February  24th, the San Francisco Chronicle published a long story by Jessica Guynn called "Crusade Against The Jerk at Work."   A reader from Palo Alto was apparently quite offended, and wrote a great letter to the Chronicle in protest. Mark Fortier, who is working with me to help promote the book, called it "amusing poetic vitriol:"

Editor -- You may call him a respected Stanford professor ("Crusade against the jerk at work,'' Feb. 24), but I call Robert Sutton a fallen educator, who has descended into the vulgarity and coarseness of our times.

The red-faced Chronicle is too embarrassed to repeat his book's unexpurgated title. The subject matter may be valid, but the odor of crudity and grossness has now seeped like sewage into our bastions of learning. Such low language from a Ph.D. is typical of the foul-mouthed, tasteless vulgarity that has corrupted television, radio, newspapers and other media with offensiveness and obscene billingsgate we used to hear from the mouths of naughty boys.

Sure, Sutton will sell a laxative of books with his sleazy title, but why slander that vital organ of our body? This will come to no good end.

VIC BEFERA

Palo Alto

I don't agree with Mr. Befera, but his writing is charming and funny. I would also add that one of the lessons that I learned from my product design friends like David Kelley is that, in creating something, the aim isn't always to please people, it is to make them them feel alive, to think about themselves and  what they value and believe. In this vein, I am heartened by the strength of the emotional response to the book, and appreciate Mr. Befera's response just as much as the woman who wrote me about how she and her co-workers used "asshole diaries" to drive out the local bully.

P.S. I don't know how Mr. Befera would feel about it, but I am pleased to report that a Reuter's story "Author Puts Focus on Office Bullies and Jerks" just came out that prints the uncensored title.  The picture to the left was printed with the title, I just love it.   

Comments

[GQ]

Personally, "asshole" is not part of my vocabulary. I only use it to refer to your book :). I've encountered some, and know of others -- they do deserve the "title".

[violetsvintage]

The word asshole attracts more more people than it repels..or they are attracted because they are repelled....either way, Bob Sutton gets out his message and helps the working people..

[Bob Sutton]

Wally,

Thanks for the thoughtful comment, and I generally don't swear when talking to classes or executive audiences. At least until now. But from the reaction I have seen in emails, comments, posts, and talks -- I spoke at Yahoo!, Google, and eBay in the last week -- is clear to that the attention to the word draws people to the topic, and then -- although I joke of course -- it has consistently drawn people into thoughtful conversation in all these different venues. I am sure I lose people because of the word, but I think the "net" number of people that are thinking seriously about the word is well-worth it. One of the things that I do think is essential -- both for raising the level of conversation and for empirical reasons as well -- is to talk about the fact that all of us are capable of becoming jerks under the wrong conditions, and to that point, I point out times when I have become a temporary asshole. If it was was all finger pointing, I do think it would be more negative.

Thanks for the thoughtful note. And I must say that Mr. Befera wrote one of the most clever letters I've seen. I have been attacked by fellow academics before, as that seems to be our game, but not one was nearly as compelling (or funny) than Mr. Befera).

[Wally Bock]

Bob, I have SUCH mixed feelings about the word "Asshole" in your title! I understand why you use it and the language doesn't bother me. On the other hand, though, the word itself is a barrier to some people picking up the book at all. For them the word is offensive in public discourse and sense a message that says that book will be vulgar and tasteless. Some years back I was giving a speech and I used a similar word purposely, for its shock value and only once. I noticed several people in the audience stiffen, but I didn't think much of it until a gentleman approached me after my speech. "Couldn't you have made your point with some other word?" he asked, "I didn't hear a thing you said for at least ten minutes because I was concentrating on that word." For me that led to a resolution to keep things G rated in my speeches and writing. I don't want to lose people because of the language I choose.