Strategic Use of Swearing in the Workplace

HBR editor Dan McGinn has a great post called Should Leaders Ever Swear? that has generated a lot of comments and is very thoughtful. He ends with a great question "Is it appropriate to use it as a bonding device or a way to motivate people? Do smart bosses use the f-bomb as a tool? What do you think?"

As the author of a book with a mildly dirty title, I have probably thought about this question too much and have blogged about all sorts aspects of it here.  But I guess despite my use of profanity in my book and as a regular part of how I talk (although having children did lead me to swear a lot less at home and everywhere else), I do have some thoughts about Dan's great question:

1. If you are not sure, don't do it.  There are people who are very offended by what I would think of as even mild obscenities.  As a result of having students pull me aside in early in my career, and ask me not to swear (I swore a lot in class when I was a brand new professor), I now rarely swear unless I am quoting someone when I am teaching executives or Stanford students.   The one big exception is when I say the name of my book, The No Asshole Rule, or teach a session on it, as it is impossible to do it without saying the word "asshole" a lot.

2. There is a big difference between "backstage" and "front stage" norms.  In many places, swearing is private meetings is fine, but is unwise when you are being observed front stage.  You can see these norms at play if you listen to the amazing tapes made by both Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon, as they swore constantly backstage, but not in public.  Of course, you have to be careful not to slip, as when  George Bush -- who thought the microphone was off -- commented that a New York Times reporter was a "major league asshole" at a campaign rally.

3. Swearing on rare occasions can be very effective for the shock value.  If you swear constantly, then people will barely notice it.  But when you do it rarely, it can have a big effect.  In fact, this phenomenon helped get me interested in The No Asshole Rule.  Years ago, at my department at Stanford, one of my colleagues -- who rarely if ever swears at meetings -- had a big impact on our group by arguing that we should not hire a renowned but difficult researcher because we did not want to ruin our group by bringing in "assholes."  From then on, the no asshole rule discussed as a hiring criteria.  I believe that if he was the kind of guy who swore constantly, we never would have heard it.

4.  The norms of the group or organization are crucial.  I have worked in some places that if you DON'T swear you are looked upon with suspicion because, well, that is how everyone talks and it you don't swear, it means you are not part of the group.  For example, when I was a teenager, my dad owned a company that sold and installed furniture and the like on U.S. Navy ships, and I worked for him now and then.  Everyone in the business swore like crazy, and if you didn't you were seen as an outsider.  Other groups are opposite -- I was once pulled aside and told that a CEO was offended by my use of the word "crap" during a speech.  And then there are national differences, as what is clean and innocent in one place may sounds dirty in another. As I blogged here a couple years back, when I was doing PR for The No Asshole Rule on BBC, the presenter told me that saying "asshole" now and then was fine, but she asked me not say "arse" as it would offend many in the UK, especially her mum! 

5.  Finally, there are times when you may want to offend people.  Perhaps this is my inner asshole speaking, but as I discuss in my chapter on the virtues of assholes, there are occasions where people are incompetent, insensitive, clueless, or mean spirited, that to get their attention and perhaps even to dish out some punishment they deserve, that barrage of angry expletives can be quite effective.  Of course, as a strategy, this should be used in small doses and with proper precautions, but I remain rather proud of a strategic temper tantrum that I aimed at a group of clueless and arrogant Air France employees some years as back. As reported in The No Asshole Rule:

Consider an experience that my wife Marina, our kids Tyler, Claire, and Eve had with Air France in the summer of 2005, while we were traveling home from Florence, Italy and had a stopover in Paris. When we arrived at the airport in Florence, the Air France agent told us that she could not give us a boarding pass for our Paris-San Francisco leg (we were later told by another Air France employee that she could have, but was “probably just to lazy”).  Our flight to Paris was so late we had less than 30 minutes to make the long trek through the massive airport, make it through multiple security check points, and get five boarding passes.

We made it to the transfer desk with about 15 minutes to go. There were perhaps eight employees behind the desk, there was no line, only employees talking to each other. After spending several minutes politely trying to get them to pay attention to our plight, I turned to my wife and kids and said, “I have to start yelling at them, I have no choice, I will stop as soon as they start helping.” So I just started hollering about how late we were, how badly we had already been treated, and that they needed help us right now. I was really loud and nasty. When they actually started paying attention to the problem, they realized how late we were and started scrambling. As soon as they started helping, I shut-up, backed away from the counter, and apologized to my kids – explaining to them again to them that it was a strategic temper tantrum. My calm, nice, and rational wife Marina then dealt with them (so there was a bit of good-cop, bad-cop too). They produced the boarding passes quickly, pointed at the gate and said, “run as fast as you can, and you might make it.” We barely made it, but we did make it.

I see that I did not mention my swearing during the Air France episode. I definitely dropped some f-bombs, and seem to recall suggesting they were "fucking idiots."  Looking back at this experience, I still have no idea what else I could do to get their attention as they were ignoring us so aggressively. Perhaps screaming at them without swearing would have been equally effective! 

I am curious about your thoughts on the wisdom of talking dirty, especially the strategic use of foul language.

 

Comments

[Ergoboy]

As much as I like to swear, I do admit that I shouldn't do it in the workplace, and I try not to. It slips out every now and then. I have a manager who never swears. Now I think some of us who work for him may look at him as a little strange since he never ever does it.

Although this isn't workplace related, I used to like watching the show "The Ultimate Fighter" (back when the fighters had college educations). Now whenever you watch it, UFC head Dana White incessantly drops the F-bomb and is bleeped out. Although I'm no prude and am not easily offended, the frequency of bleeps makes it seem as if the show is now targeted to the lowest, uncommon denominator.

[Daylin Breen]

I rarely swear (out loud). However, I think it can be appropriate. That said, it has to fit the "character" of the speaker in order to be effective. Gary Vaynerchuk, for example, pulls it off beautifully. He uses it for appropriate emphasis, not as a comma. It makes him seem more real (I think there is a craving for “real” and "authentic").

If the cursing seems like a gimmick or the speaker is uncomfortable with it, it quickly flips to seeming insincere.

[Jason Seiden]

"Inappropriate under any circumstances?" "...no other tools at their disposal.."

People, c'mon... let's not be hasty with those absolute judgments about something as potentially trivial as word choice!

(After all, the more absolute the semantics, the shittier it can feel if you ever have to eat your words.)

[Sarah]

Great article! I especially love your Air France example, since there always seem to be situations where it's your only option.

Not so sure about using such forceful language with incompetent employees though... I mean, where is the line when the swearing is used for effect, and when it becomes a torrent of abuse the person feels completely disarmed by? I've had bosses who have felt this an appropriate avenue to teach a lesson, and to be put in that position has been disheartening to say the least! How would you state your company policy to a manager who's crossed the line? "We allow swearing when the staff member's been a true asshole... probably not when they've been a slight asshole."

[K Ross]

As a professional female, my male colleagues often apologize for their use of swear words. If one has a sense that they should not have used a swear word - they are acknowledging the offensive nature of swearing -
If you want to communicate effectively, don't use swear words. If you want to shock folks into listening to you - choose your words and tone of voice for the desired effect.

[Ergoboy]

Guy,

Thanks for reiterating the blog post. Did you even read the damn thing? I wonder how many new hits your post generated at your friggin' website?

[Guy Farmer]

Great insights. I've noticed that anything we can do with swear words can be accomplished without. Maybe we use swear words because we simply have no other tools at our disposal to convey those meanings or emotions.

Other options exist but it's up to us whether we choose to learn them. Each individual ultimately chooses whatever path makes sense to him or her and achieves results based on those behaviors.

Behaviorally, perhaps people use swear words in the workplace because that's the culture that's been set up or encouraged. There's no right or wrong approach but swearing will create a certain atmosphere and not swearing another. It all depends on what the company values.

[Gschaadt]

Words are tools - we tend to use the tools the most that have worked the best for us in the past. My wife often uses the butt end of a screwdriver to drive a nail. Makes me cringe, but she always seems to reach her goal.

"Goodness gracious sakes alive."

That was all the swearing Coach Wooden ever needed. It's just a matter of how you choose to apply your tools.

[Bob Sutton]

Scott,

I, of course, think you are fucking brilliant. Thanks for the comment.

Bob

[Scott Underwood]

I can't agree with that first comment.

Unceasing profanity might show you have a bad habit and a limited vocabulary, but never swearing deprives your speech of a small list of rich and effective tools.

Making sweeping judgments about people who use swear words is not sharp thinking itself, and in some circumstances will lead you to underestimate the speaker. (Which might be exactly the effect they seek -- consider the profane, good ol' boy politician who hopes his opponents consider him a dumb hick.)

Following #3, swearing on rare occasions for strategic value, can be an excellent sign of self-control, and I have definitely used it to make a point stronger on occasion.

[Bruce Carter]

Inappropriate under any circumstances, and a hard habit to break. You lose the moral high ground and all respect by swearing. You make yourself look somewhat dull witted and stupid to have such a poor vocabulary and so little self control.