Podcast at HBR: The subtleties of strategic swearing

It was one of those things that, even as I did it, I was wondering, how my life had reached this point.  The soundtrack that kept playing in mu mind was the Talking Heads, singing over and over, "Who am I? How did I get there?"  There I was -- and I guess still am --talking with a very respectable Harvard editor -- Sarah Green --  about the strategic use of swearing by bosses.  You can listen to the podcast if you like, they just posted it here.  This podcast weaves together issues from Dan McGinn's wildly popular HBR post Should Leaders Ever Swear?, and my follow-up posts here on strategic swearing and the evolutionary value of swearing.  In the podcast and my posts I am careful to talk about the dangers of swearing at the wrong time and places, and of swearing too much.  But I also am quite taken with the argument from academic work on the evolutionary value that " Taboo words persist because they can intensify emotional communication to a degree that nontaboo words cannot."  

This topic stirred up numerous clashing opinions on my blog, from people who argued that it was inappropriate under any circumstances, to people who swore at the workplace and felt bad about it, to people who disliked their colleagues' swearing, to people who said it was bad for children.  Two of my favorites made me think hardest -- albeit in opposing directions:

This one from Liam-og Griffin struck my fancy both because I like the idea of strategic swearing (at the right times, as except when I talk about The No Asshole Rule, I virtually never swear when I teach or give a speech) and it fits very well with the evolutionary argument:

The 'f' word is unrivaled in power in the English language. It's got aggression built in and demands to be heard. Choosing to avoid the use of powerful words like this is like choosing to use a screwdriver to drive a screw, when you've got a 24v drill driver in the back of the van. Distinguished craftsmen would advocate the eloquence of using your hands to create beautiful works of art in the same way a writer would only use 'acceptable' language to colourfully express the full spectrum of emotions. I've got no problem if you want to be old school and proud of the craftsmanship of your handy work, but you're out of your fucking mind if you don't use the best tool for the job!

I love the last sentence.  On the other hand, I was stopped in my tracks by a great point from a fellow who used to work at UCLA and had numerous conversations with the late John Wooden, the greatest and wisest basketball coach who ever lived:

Words are tools - we tend to use the tools the most that have worked the best for us in the past. My wife often uses the butt end of a screwdriver to drive a nail. Makes me cringe, but she always seems to reach her goal. "Goodness gracious sakes alive." That was all the swearing Coach Wooden ever needed. It's just a matter of how you choose to apply your tools.

Coach Wooden is a tough act to follow!  This is one of those cases, I confess, where I hold conflicting and inconsistent opinions.  I try not to swear when it offends others or makes me look like an immature and inconsiderate jerk, but there are lot of times when it is the norm in a particular group, there are times when strategic use has effective shock value (I think the title of The No Asshole Rule is such a case), and their are times when I get pissed-off, swear, and then feel bad about it.

I also have a view about children that others may not hold: Even if you don't swear around them, most will learn to do it a very young age, and swear when their parents and other adults are not around.  One of my favorite memories of my two daughters -- my youngest Eve was about 3 and big sister Claire was about 6 -- happened one day when they were outside my study (they didn't know I was there)and Claire was teaching Eve how to perform the word "shit."  Not just say it, I mean perform it.  I would hear, "Now Eve, you don't just say shit, you stomp your foot and you look real mad, like this..." and then Claire would model the desired behavior, and say "OK you try it."  And then I would hear something like "That is OK, but stomp your foot harder and try to look a little madder." The Eve would say "Oh shit" and I would hear her foot stomp and big sister would say, "You've almost got it, try it one more time." 

So, while swearing at the wrong times and in front of the wrong people is bad for children, my belief is they are going to do it mighty early themselves, and the best you can hope for is they will learn to use it sparingly and at the right times -- and when those times come, to do it well! 

We likely have exhausted this topic on this blog and at HBR.  I will get back to something else, but the podcast got me going on the topic again.

Have a great fucking Fourth of July....

Sorry, I know it was tasteless, but I could not resist.

Comments

[Dan Erwin]

When I want it to stick, I give it to them loud and dirty. --Gen. George S. Patton, WW II Commander

Not quite exhausted on the topic. One of my clients in marketing research (intriguingly, a PhD in psych) asked me what to do about her junior high boys who were swearing--in school, and etc. I gave her the same recommendation that I gave my own daughters. (FYI: If you think you're going to stop your boys from swearing, forget that.)

The real issue is like teaching them how to use alcohol. Focus on when, where and occasionally why. They need to know that often when they swear in front of people they'll get in trouble. It was a form of "junior high strategic swearing."

A month later, and with a big smile, she told me that my suggestion worked.

I, too, harangued at swearing (I'm a former Baptist minister!), including my Kentucky grandmothers affirmation of me as a kid: "you little shit!" It's here with kudos to McGinn. http://bit.ly/aJyzOs

[Mike Sporer]

A story on this subject, Bob...
We were having a meeting about a proposed building project for a career school. I was giving a presentation, and this was our opportunity to rehearse our presentations beforehand. I was to explain the methodology of career ed in a simple process; tell me, show me, let me do it. During the mock presentation, I said "Tell me, show me, do me.....what the fuck did I just say!" Everyone in the room lost it; one guy had to leave the room in laughter..sometimes the f-word has wonderful impact. My use of the word wasn't strategic, it was a slip. Effective anyway......