Are You In Tune With Your People Or Living in a Fool's Paradise? Three Diagnostic Questions for Every Boss

The central idea in Good Boss, Bad Boss, the one that runs throughout the book and that links many things together, is the notion that the best bosses are in tune with what it feels like to work for them and deeply aware of the impact of their words and deeds on others.  And the worst bosses are out of touch and turn inward, focus on their own needs, and are oblivious to the needs of others.  As I have written in several places, including this post at Harvard Business Review and in the Financial Times early this week in an article on "Separating the Best CEOs from the Dolts",  being a boss (especially a powerful and successful one) places any human at considerable risk of living in a fool's paradise. Yet, as I also write in both places, there are also plenty of bosses out there with impressive self-awareness who find ways to avoid such "power poisoning" and the related malady of "success poisoning." 

I was thinking about this a bit earlier in response to a set of question that Mark Fortier, my publicist for Good Boss, Bad Boss, asked me for the Q and A part of the publicity packet that he is putting together. He asked what are some of the first quick and easy steps a boss can take to evaluate whether he or she is a good or bad boss.  This question reminded me of a truly awful day long meeting I once had with senior leaders of a large company, and how the worst person in the room (and the highest status) grabbed all the talking time, constantly interrupted everyone, and as one of my academic said "Did you notice that he never asked questions?  He only made statements."   Between Mark's question and my memory of that experience, here is what I came-up with for the rest of this post.

If you want to be a good boss, the big question you need to focus on is “what does it feel like to work for me.”   If you want to start getting some answers to this question,  bring someone in a meeting that you trust, and have them count three things, or even easier (although probably less accurate), evaluate yourself on these three questions:

1.  How much do you talk compared to your followers?  This is to find out if you are talking too much and listening too little.

2. How often do you ignore, interrupt, or talk over people who are trying to make a point?  An occasional interruption is fine, but if your frequency is high it is a sign that you aren’t really listening and aren’t making a real effort to understand your people’s ideas and feelings.  And if you constantly run over people, it is a sign that you are not treating them with sufficient dignity and respect.

3. When you speak, how often do you make statements versus ask questions?  Insensitive and inner focused and unwise bosses have “strong opinions strongly held” and see themselves(whether they realize it or not) as the smartest person in the room.  When you only make statements (and do most of the talking) it is hard to learn a thing and you are not inviting your followers to teach you things and challenge your assumptions.  Good bosses ask a lot of questions, attend very carefully to both the words and the emotions they provoke, and change their opinions and actions as a result.  

Or to put it another way, the best bosses have and express strong opinions, but they also listen carefully to others, always consider that they might be wrong, and quickly update their opinions and actions when they realize they are wrong.  This approach to being a boss, which I describe as the attitude of wisdom in Good Boss, Bad Boss, is yet another advantage gained by bosses who learn to stay in tune with followers and other key people including peers, superiors, and customers or clients.

P.S. Good Boss, Bad Boss is starting to roll into the stories already and will be shipping at Amazon and Barnes & Noble on September 7th or a couple days before.

Comments

[JACH]

Well... I know a boss that is incredibly oblivious to the way she interrupt others or disregard other ideas different from hers. I think that the only way to make her notice is to videotape a conversation... and I'm not completely sure of it.

[Andrew Tucker]

Great post Bob, I currently work for a supervisor who displays the "power poisoning" you describe and it can be a very frustrating experience. I think every manager should remember some of the words of John Wooden:

"Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights"

[Kevin Burke]

Bob, thanks for this post. Has anyone tried simply filming the inconsiderate time-demanders and then playing back the film to them? I find that when I watch myself on film it's much easier to notice when I am dominating the conversation too much.